Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?
My first blog started as a way for me to vent. I would rail about racism or obvious social misgivings that I thought I needed to point at and scream, “ Hey everybody, look over here!!” I did it mostly to screw with people, nobody read it but my friends so I wasn’t really screwing with anyone.
I used to spend significant time on craig’s list creating false personal ads. I wanted to see how completely ridiculous I would have to be before I was unable to find someone that wasn’t perfectly willing to do whatever demeaning, degrading, perverse, self-satisfying extravagance I had contrived. I would be sexist, racist, homophobic, if you can imagine it, I would send out the ad and see what kind of response I would get. Hate mail was just as fun, and a little more welcome, than the genuine responses I would get.
These posts, too, would get added to my blog. I never shared responses to the posts because I felt that even though they were perverted in one form or another, and had decided to share that perversion with someone they thought was just as diabolical in their thirsts, they hadn’t volunteered their sickness to be broadcast to the five people that read my page in those days. So, I tooled along like that for a few months but soon found that perversion was everywhere and that became boring fast, as well as finding that I really didn’t care enough about most of the things that were current at the time to form a hard lined opinion one way or another. So, I stopped doing it, I moved on to the next entertainment the internet had to offer, and I left it.
Then I met a woman, in our “getting to know you” phase she came across my blog. She convinced me that I had a talent for the written word, and I took tentative steps toward writing again. She helped me to find a voice and convinced me to use it more than ever before. This was the first gift I was given this past year. A gentle nudge, a kind word, a laugh in all the right places and I was writing with a fevered abandon that I had never known.
I wasn’t just writing, I was writing the things that made me who I am. I was exposing to the internet my closeted dirty laundry, and was getting it off my chest. Releasing it in kilobytes, never to return, hopefully. With this new format I found I had lots of things to say, but was struggling with the idea that the blog I had created, and aptly titled “Idiocy Incarnate” wasn’t the right environment to share these stories.
For one, the title didn’t work, or at least it didn’t speak to the content someone who happened to find it would expect. It also was too happy, blogger based theme, and no real flare. Then I got the second gift I received this year, a friend, who had been reading, came to visit me and offered to build me a new page. He offered to pay for the domain, and set up the page, all I had to do was write. Don’ t get me wrong, I picked the domain name, tweaked his original design and added the header that is still in place to this day, but for the mot part when he called me and said it’s ready, it was. I moved the things I wanted to, erased the old blog and never looked back.
So, you see, these words you’re reading, dear friend, are my gift to you, but they are also a gift to me from two people that may have changed my life, on that note the jury is still out, but it sure feels like I have a new drug of choice, and this one is legal.