Reverb10 day 17-Lesson Learned

Lesson Learned-What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned a lot about myself this year.  It’s seems as though I learn the most about myself by making mistakes, giving myself time to reflect on those mistakes,  then correcting the behavior–not this time though.  If I had to pick “the best” thing I learned about myself I would have to say it was that my blog can help me to let go.  I have spent my whole life holding onto things that have twisted me into someone I no longer recognized.

At one point in my life, I was a fairly well adjusted young man despite my childhood, but the older I got the more baggage I piled on.  It became more than I could carry; my self esteem crumbled under the weight of it and I lost parts of myself, good parts.  I lost my ability to talk to people honestly and openly, my sense of self worth, my ability to walk into a crowded room and be at ease and, worst of all, I lost my love for life itself.  I became bitter, I walked through life with a point to make.  I was out to prove to the world that I was worthy of respect, love, happiness and a slew of other things that the world had never denied me; no, I had denied myself all of these things by being a barbarian hellbent on destruction.

I was mean, spiteful, crass–I was without remorse or pity.  I talked down to people for the littlest reasons, I would fight anyone that wanted to get in my way.  I hurt people physically and emotionally.  I needed a change and knew it but was hard pressed to figure out how. Then I found a voice, a way to speak out about the things that were hurting me.

What I learned this year was that I can let go of some of this baggage and release myself from the prison I had built for myself.  I can write out the things that have plagued me and give them a place to live that isn’t destructive to my well being.  I have spent many a night sitting in front of this screen doing that very thing.  I have written about my addictions and self loathing.  I have told the tales of the man I once was and with every word I feel the burden leaving me a little at a time.  I can see that I have things to offer and shouldn’t hold myself back.  I am still, and will forever be, a work in progress, but I feel better than I have in a long time and think soon I will be complete once again.

I have other lessons yet to learn, and have learned some as recently as yesterday, but this one might have saved my life.  Click the magic word for a sample of my baggage.


5 thoughts on “Reverb10 day 17-Lesson Learned

  1. I’m so with you. Writing has saved me from the same destructive thoughts. I can’t say them verbally, so I write it and it is healing. Keep writing, you are amazing!

  2. Jason, I bet you don’t realise it but your words go a long way to helping those in similar situations that you once found yourself in. Your words here are so profound and so without pretension that I marvel.

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